I Didn't Die?...

      Holy shit I made it!! It wasn't as bad as I thought..or maybe it was.  I mean, after surgery I did sit on the couch in the same sweat shirt for like 2 1/2 weeks, watching nothing but Maury and Jerry Springer, and ate only bread and candy.  I was in a bad way, no doubt.  My legs were so hairy and I didn't smell the best either.

But it went fast. I pulled myself out of my funk and started going to the gym just to get on the stairmill. I'm now lifting light and back on a good schedule. Only 2 weeks from Monday and I will have the green light to go heavy. I'm so excited I may burst!! It's consuming me!! Next competition season is right around the corner!!  Bring it on holidays because after you pass I may find myself eating every three hours out of Tupperware for like 5 months straight ;) sounds miserably AWESOME!!!!! Wooohoooooo!!!!

    My diet sucks but whatever.  I'm at peace with my off season self.  Even with so many weeks off for that stupid gallbladder.  I feel great after resting so long at least!

Pizza tastes good, biscuits taste good, snickers taste good.  I still eat really high quality meals for the most part but I'm not holding back on crap right now either.  Bring it!  Anyway, it took me a while to unfuck my mind from thinking that I needed to look competition ready all the time.  I'm definitely all the way over it now and the other day at CrossFit proved it.  All I kept thinking while I was jump roping and lunging for 40 minutes was " Thank God I'm not covered in sweet sweat and layers of clothes. I'm so happy I can feel things jiggle when I jump. My boobs are giant! I feel strong and voluptuous!" And I do.  But I also can't wait till my body starts changing again sometime after the holidays. It's so fucking cool and who the hell doesn't want 8 pack ABZZZZZZ?!?!! Duh!!!

      I guess my point is, do what makes you happy and feels good.  Don't worry about others and thinking they may be whispering things like, " she has gained some weight" or " I hope she doesn't get to much more manly muscle" or "you'd think she'd be further along by now with her lifts". It's probably mostly in your head anyway. 

Eat and train for YOUR goals and prepare for some bumps along the way, just dont let them get you down ( at least for too long anyway, JERRY SPRINGER SHOW NO SHOWER SHAYNA!!AHHHHHH!!!!).  Remember where you started and how far you've come. Don't focus too much on how much further you need to go.  If you do you may end up like me having nightmares that you look down and your legs are ACTUAL chicken legs.  I'm a lunatic ;).

 2 weeks till squats.  Lets see if I can blow my last competition pics out of the water.  I bet I can.  

Don't stress, learn to love your ever changing self, every battle you win wether it is big or super small counts and have a great week!!!