Sunday, September 29, 2013

My Name Is ____ And I'm Proud Of It All.


     No fucking some of you already know fitness fills a void of alcohol for me and I've been gratefully sober for years now. So I'm home from a awesome vacation and the impending doom of this gallbladder coming out is kinda like a black cloud hanging over me....T minus 6 days but I'm ready to get this show on the road! 

     I'm obsessing about not being able to work out for 6 weeks...bad.  Really bad.  It's normal for me though. Once an addict always one FO SHO!  It's nice that I'm healthy enough mentally at this point in my life to realize what's going on though and handle it accordingly. I'm very thankful for that and I'm proud of it.  Which brings me to my point.  This past week has been amazing and I've had a minute to reflect on it. I've been to Venice rubbing elbows with everyone from company executives to service techs. I've been to my husbands high school reunion and actually enjoyed meeting everyone. It doesn't matter who I sit down with or where. I can kill it in the middle of Europe at a five star resort or at a cruddy coffee shop down the street.  I can remember years ago when anything like this would of made me nervous and uncomfortable and I would just shut down.  When I relied on my husband to do everything down to a simple phone call. Never again and here's why.  I love myself and I'm proud of who I am and where I came from doesn't matter the situation. I love walking into a room and dominating it. The people that truly matter love me being me, soooooo, whether I'm around the pope or a homeless guy on the corner of Ramsey St, I am who I am and they can take it or leave it, either way I'm going to act the same. 

      When you stop caring what others think you will thrive as your own person and people will end up flocking to you. You automatically start changing for the better when you think positively about yourself.  I may not be a rocket scientist or some kind of millionaire financeiere but I am who I am and this skin is the most comfortable on earth to me now. I'm proud of my lows, and believe me there were some pretty dark days. They have brought me to these highs of happiness and I look around at my husband and child and have to pinch myself sometimes.  I can't believe how happy I am and im so thankful that we didn't pussy out and we worked hard to change and make our life completely awesome.   None of this started happening until I started treating myself right and being proud of me. Having confidence no matter the situation.   Doesn't matter if you are a house wife, a hooker or doctor.  Take pride in it, be yourself and everything will fall into pace.  At first it is work and then it just happens. 

     Now time for me to put my head down and take this opportunity of workout hiatus to grow stronger mentally and regrain focus.  I need to remind myself that's it's not that bad of a hand to be delt so I need to think positive about my 6 week "rest".    Oh boy..... Ugh....

Be yourself, don't try to act like someone you aren't,  and remember:  lions don't lose sleep over the opinions of sheep.  Ever. 

Have a great week! 


 Ps: I do need to mention that I am detoxing from all my crap food right now therefore attempting to not get a murder charge tonight.... Seriously.  It's bad.  Wish my family luck!!

Please check out my page :) THX!!

Thursday, September 12, 2013

How Off Is Off Season?

      How off should off season be?  I mean I guess in a perfect world we would hit the gym beyond hard everyday and stick to an off season diet.  I don't though.  I mean come on. I want to have a good time! Hobbies are supposed to be enjoyable and i have to try my best to not constantly obsess or over compete. I had the perception that I was  going to stay all trim and cut after I was in prep mode but NO WAY!!! Being a off season fatty is fun and trying to grow big muscles is even more fun!  Honestly its not like I'm actually fat anyways and I feel great and you can still see a couple abs when i stand up!! I mean, I just made that paleo blackberry cobbler my bitch and then I'm gonna squat tomorrow at sets over that is what I'm talkin bout!!! 

      I can't wait to do another competition though.  I am not happy that getting this gallbladder out is putting a wrench in my plans. I didn't want my off season to be quite this long.  I also wanted to do a October oly comp with my kid :( Not  lifting makes me sad. My chicken legs will be back with a vengeance in no time... Ugh.  Hopefully 6 weeks goes by fast and it doesn't take me long to get back where I was.  :). 

"Bulking" ;). Hehehehehe.
 In other words not doing cardio and eating what ever the hell you want!! When I am in Italy next week they are going to have to roll me into a gondola and back on the plane!!! I CAN'T WAIT!!

So here's how I see it.  Trying to be perfect will burn you out. You aren't alway going to be in your best tip top shape. Anyone that pretends like they are is a douche and they probably sit around all day editing pics for Facebook trying to make their lives and selves look beyond perfect...Yawn. Or maybe they are a pro, which I am NOT as proof in the magically delicious mini Buddha belly i am growing. Haha!!

 Try your best, even though your best effort may fluctuate in a major way from time to time.  Be yourself and love it, no matter how off your off seasons may be! 

 Have a great week ( or two, or three, I've been slack)!! :)


Monday, September 2, 2013

The End Of The World

    Is a set back like minor surgery the end of the world?  I guess not. It may feel like it though.  It's only my gallbladder coming out so I know it's NOT really the end of the world, but let me tell you why I am SCARED TO DEATH.....

      I've never been off from working out for more then a rest week since being sober. It's like my AA.  I obsess over it.  It fulfills a void and I crave it. It's the single most important part of my day and sets the tone for how everything goes. Its my passion and I've been doing it for years.  Not lifting for 6 weeks may not seem like much to some, and I know it could be a way worse situation, but it still seems like a lifetime to me. I had certain goals and plans and they have been derailed.  I've had to ax doing the oly competition with my daughter and I'm now reevaluating my schedule for my next competition.  No April for me for sure like I planned.  I don't want to feel rushed.  It will be the middle of November before I can lift again. Having to make up for lost workout time and then start dieting down a couple weeks later isn't going to work for me.  I want to IMPROVE at my next competition not feel less then my best.  I think waiting to compete is a tough decision but the right one.  

     I'm hoping I can at least do cardio after a week or so and I plan on walking hundreds of miles in my ankle weights to stay sane.  Hey who knows maybe it will work out for the best and I will trim down enough to do figure like I always wanted!!! ;) Ahhhhhhh stripper heels and blingged bikinis!!!!! That's what I'm talkin bout!!!!!!!! HAHA!! ;) PRETTY PRETTY POSES!!!!

                                           (Ok maybe figure is a stretch HAHA!!)

       So I have to keep a strong mind, try not to obsess until I go mad, and remember that a set back just turns into a comeback. I know I'm going to feel better after getting this surgery and kick more ass then ever.  I already stomp girls on that board nearly half my age so fuck it.  Maybe it will give them a hot minute to try and catch up....

    Don't let set backs ruin your world. It's not the end.  Even if it is as small as a few candy bars or something bigger like a broken limb.  Comeback, keep a good positive attitude, don't talk down about yourself or act defeated. You are better then that and so am I... No doubt. (I'm going to try my best to keep all this in the front of my mind!!!AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! ). Have a great week!